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ALAN LOWE IS A DINK... But he gets my vote!
by chelsea chenery

I'm excited to vote in the upcoming municipal elections. Alan Lowe is a dink, and Ben Issit is my neighbour. I'm going to vote for Alan Lowe, though, even though he's a dink- because he did such a great job with the new arena. That thing is awesome. First of all, it's bigger than the old arena. Way bigger, and that is great. Second of all, it has that really neat sculpture out front of the robot taking a dump. That sculpture is really great!

It seems that we also get to vote for some city councillors, too. We get to pick out eight of them. We also get to choose nine school trustees.

Ben Isitt owns a few boats, did you know that? Did you know that he lives in a yellow house?

Some people might vote for Ben Isitt because they think Alan Lowe is a slimy sycophant. They might think that Alan Lowe is a rich architect cunt who lives in a giant house off Rockland Avenue, gets regular visits from high-class escorts, and farts into a diamond-studded purse. They might also think that he doesn't care about the street people who don't have places to sleep or even i-pods to check their hotmail accounts Some people might think that, but they would be wrong. They don't know Alan Lowe like I do.

Alan Lowe, "the dink", baked me cookies and brought me cough syrup when I had a cold last Christmas. The cookies were huge and delicious, with sooo many gooey chocolate chips, it was crazy! And the cough syrup was made in Alan Lowe's cough syrup factory in Peru, so you know how good it was. Anyway, this is just one example of what a good person Alan Lowe is. He can be a dink, but he can also be quite kind and gracious.

Another nice thing Alan Lowe did was kill all these kittens in my back yard. I know it sounds bad, but they were getting to be real pests! He just showed up, out of the blue, with a shotgun and a garbage back. You should have seen those kittens scatter when he started shooting! I think he managed to pick off eight of the twelve kittens in our yard, which is pretty good.

So I'm voting for Alan Lowe.

Malcontent Media